Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
