i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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