He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
