This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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