Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize