The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
