I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
