oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
