Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
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