Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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