Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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