im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
