there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
