My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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