We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
