dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
