That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
