I need help removing her.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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