FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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