there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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