I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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