I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
