Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
did you just send me my own nude
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i think im in europe. pls send help
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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