i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
