He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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