I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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