I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
