I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
