I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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