New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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