in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
