ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
