he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
