Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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