Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
