my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
