I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
