Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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