I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Couch. On fire.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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