youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
