so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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