I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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