Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize
