Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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