I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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