She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
