theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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