Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
