when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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