Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize