I wish I could punch you in the face.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
