The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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