There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
