Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
