just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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