It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Is it because I queefed?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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