***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
