we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize