I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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