You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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