Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
