You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
