I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
