absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
A bitchslap is in order.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
