apparently the secret to your success is patron
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
