I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
