I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
