I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
