are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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